Good day to you. My name is E. Oglethorpe IV. My family refers to me as "Oggie" so you may do the same.
I know what you're thinking: "Oh, it's an Egret!" I beg to differ! Obviously, you are unaware that there are many different kinds of Egrets. I'm not just "an Egret." I'm a Great Egret and we are the respectable bird of South Carolina.
Like many generations of my family who came before, I prefer to live in South Carolina. You might even say that my forebears considered our branch of the family to be the "landed gentry" of South Carolina.
I'm a very "upper class" Egret. My father, Casmerodius Alba Oglethorpe III, attended the same schools. My grandfather, the leading historian of the community, was friends with the late William F. Beakley and Beakminster Fuller. My mother, Andrea Alba Egret, is a direct descendant of Betsy Ross Egret. For those of you who are unfamiliar with South Carolina bird history, Betsy Ross Egret is famous for being the first Great Egret from South Carolina to be immortalized in art work.
Along with other Egrets of my social milieu, I studied at the Exclusive Upscale Avian Conservatory for Academics. (My sister, Garzetta Egretta Oglethorpe, attended its sister school, the Exclusive Upscale Avian Conservatory for Social Graces.) After graduation from the Conservatory, I entered Stirling Avian University where I received a Bachelor's Degree in Snobbery, afterward obtaining a Master's Degree in Advanced Wading and Fishcatching.
I currently reside in the wetlands of South Carolina, where I dine on fish, frogs, and other delicious aquatic life forms. IN order to capture my meals, I stand very still, head cocked, watching the water, and wait for some unsuspecting frog or fish to swim past me. Once I spy what could be an appetizer or main course, I thrust my beck into the water with lightning-swift speed, snatch the unwary beast and then swallow the incautious creature before it realizes its fatal error.
I'm easy to identify, which is what I desire most. I am approximately 3' tall, and it goes without saying that I am inordinately elegant. I have stunning white feathers which, tragically, were used to adorn ladies millinery some years go. It almost caused our extinction and I shudder to think about that time. My wingspan is nearly five feet across and when my wings are fully extended, there are nothing short of magnificent. The only items which mar this perfect visage are my legs and feet. The are, sadly, a commonplace black color. My toes -- oh, the horror! They look like the toes of Pterodactyls. They're long and thin and very unsightly. As I spend a great deal of time in the water, you never have to view those unappealing appendages.
Well, I must be off. I have an appointment with a photographer from Egret Beautiful magazine. She's doing a pictorial of me perambulating through the suburbs of Mount Pleasant, so I must go. Well-bred Egrets do not keep their public waiting. ©